The interview
Me: Thanks for hanging in there. You look a little sleepy right now, a bit disinterested?
Vines: Well, to be honest it's not much cop out here these days. I'm bloody cold, my feet are wet, and my mates are all twisted - look at them! You try hanging out here through the winter.
Me: Fair enough. Spring is just around the corner though.
Vines: Can't come quick enough as far as we're concerned. It's been a long winter. We've had no visitors since you came in March, and all you did was poison our weedy brothers and pour shit on us!
Me: Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you felt that way.
Vines: You never asked.
Me: Ooh, bit sensitive I see.
Vines: Well, what do you expect? Where's the love? Here you are again, devoid of any social niceties, straight into attacking us with pruning shears!
Me: Well it's winter and that's how it is if you're a vine. You should know that by now.
Vines: We know that, it would just be nice, occasionally, to be recognised for who we are, not what you can get from us.
Me: Ok, I'm sorry! I appreciate you!
Vines: That wasn't very sincere. I know you're about to cut our limbs off. We put a lot of energy into growing those, you know.
Me: I understand that, but that's exactly it, they require too much energy. I need you to focus on getting your core bits stronger. We'll be back in Spring. Then I promise you some "love".
Vines: It just hurts, that's all we're saying. (And quite frankly I'm sick of hanging around a bunch of grapes).
Me: Look, you're doing great. Don't worry so much. Everything will be fine.
Vines: It all seems like so much effort, just to end up an after thought on someone's cheese platter. Or even worse, remember what happened to Barbera and her bunch last year? They were left to rot in the fruit section of Coles.
Me: Oh...um...I...um...wanted you to think, um, more, um...I wanted you to think more along the lines of, um...more in terms of 'Wine'.
Vines: Wine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That wasn't discussed! How can you....Oh, that's crushing! That's really crushing!
jojobee
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