12th of the 12th of the 12th

Dear Special Christmas Edition...

 

The Twelve Statues of Christmas

 

 

 

Statue #1

 

 At the office christmas party (following some inappropriate photocopying) Warren had thrown up on the dance floor and then taken some random bird home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #2

 

 Unfortunately Pete had been watching his flock all night and wasn’t really in the mood for attention-seeking sons of God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #3

 

At Christmas, Sharon liked to get her left one out and wait under the mistletoe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #4

 

Betty’s new Christmas hat and brooch were the height of Paris fashion. It was such a pity about the bird shit all down her back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #5

 

 Mary and Joseph were totally up for it, but the angel of the lord came down (disguised as a pigeon) and insisted on immaculate conception.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #6

 

 The three wise men adored the baby Jesus, even though the little shit had returned the frankincense and myrrh and demanded an ipad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #7

 

This Christmas, Eliza had carefully picked each gift.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #8

 

Moments later it would become apparent that never again should Derek be referred to as the ‘LITTLE’ drummer boy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #9

 

 By the time she'd received Ten Lords a Leaping, Janet thought perhaps next Christmas she might just ask for a Kmart voucher.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #10

 

Jacob’s Christmas was ruined! Someone had stolen his penis.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #11

 

 In the frenzy of unwrapping so many Christmas presents, Marg hadn’t noticed the nasty paper cut she’d acquired.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Statue #12

 

 In the frenzy of giving herself a little Christmas morning delight, Daisy seemed to have lost a few fingers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 (c) From the Paris Statue Collection 2011, by Jo Broom